How to Stay Calm When Your Kid Says, “I Hate You!”

Amy shares how using her new parenting skills were effective in dealing with her son…. My 12 year old son, Matthew, had been treating his younger sister poorly by ignoring her and talking down to her.  After setting a limit on his behavior, I had to send him to his room.   I used my empathy [...]

Let Kids Learn From Little Mistakes

I love this success story because it shows how staying calm and allowing your daughter to learn from little mistakes leads to self esteem. “I did it by myself!”….  My 2.5 year old daughter took off her shoes in a restaurant before we noticed. I asked her to put them back on and my husband warned her to put [...]

Empathy Before Consequences

I love this story of  a dad in my class who didn’t miss a beat using his new empathetic statement “Oh man!” before delivering the consequence. Noticed how he stayed calm by reinforcing it with his brain dead statement,  “I know.” ____________________________________________________ My wife, 4 year old son, and I went to the beach.  When [...]

I’m Not Going To Kiss You Anymore

We always discuss in class about kids who will escalate to test the new skills mom and dad are using.  It’s the old “short term pain for long term gain” adage.  This mom thought it would be something only older kids would do, but preschoolers know how to escalate with hurtful words too.  Luckily, this [...]

Brain Dead Works With 3 Year Olds

This mom shares her success story using the  brain dead statement “I know” over and over again….. My 3 year old didn’t want any of the two choices I gave him for breakfast, so I picked one for him.  He was not happy and kept throwing a fit.   I empathetically used “I know” about six or [...]

Threats

I last wrote about a mother whose primary parenting technique with her daughter was the use of warnings and threats about pushing her child-sized shopping cart into her sister. Her daughter didn’t respond, but continued her behavior. It’s easy and convenient to threaten in the hopes that it will work. And occasionally it actually does. [...]

Have You Forgotten the Empathy?

It’s the simplest yet most difficult skill. It’s the most powerful yet hardest to do. It makes the difference between our kids learning responsibility versus learning resentment. It’s the heart of Love and Logic, and it’s the key to making just about any parenting technique work. Those familiar with Love and Logic know that I’m [...]

Arguing

How sad it is that so many young people in our world have come to believe that constant manipulation is the best way to get what you want! Love and Logic offers a very powerful way of breaking kids of this damaging habit. The first step involves reminding ourselves that it’s ok if our kids [...]

Staying Calm: Some Love and Logic Tips

Avoiding frustration, anger, lectures, and other ineffective parenting practices is no simple task in today’s hectic world. Fortunately, the following steps can help us “brainwash” ourselves into staying cool in hot situations: Step #1: Create one calming self-statement. Everyone needs a calming thought to carry with them as they navigate this not-so-calm world. Listed below [...]

Mom Shares Insights After First Parenting Class

The last class could not have been more perfectly timed. I am now peacefully drinking my tea and very relaxed after NOT yelling at my kids one time today, despite great efforts on their parts to push my buttons. I sang several songs to the tune of “uh oh, so very sad. Sparkle purse is [...]

Looking Calm When We’re Not

What’s the biggest parenting challenge for you? If you’re like many parents, it’s keeping your cool when your kids are getting on your last nerve! Why is it so important to at least look calm and collected as we provide consequences for our children’s misbehavior? Because…  Anger creates resentment and rebellion.  Empathy ups the odds [...]

Importance of Empathy

What’s the very most important Love and Logic skill? EMPATHY! Understanding why is fairly simple. Consequences delivered with empathy create responsibility. Consequences delivered without empathy create resentment. So we have a choice: Will we raise responsible kids…or resentful ones? Will we end up in a nice nursing home or a nasty one? Yes. Understanding why [...]

Avoid Using “I’m Sorry” As Your Empathetic Response

Those of you familiar with Love and Logic know that the most important skill we teach is empathy. When we can provide a strong and sincere message of caring…before we deliver a consequence…the child is able to focus more on the connection between their poor decision and this consequence…than on anger toward us. Those familiar [...]

Are You Remembering the Empathy?

It looks so simple on paper…but becomes so difficult to remember day in and day out. As you already know, Love and Logic rests on the rock-solid foundation of empathy. It’s easy to forget that sincere empathy must always come first. It’s also far too simple to forget that consequences gain their power from being [...]

How You Say It Is More Important

I visited a school that was thrilled with Love and Logic. The teachers were happier, and so were their pupils. However one teacher continued to have problems with students. Observing her teach, I heard her say, “How sad,” when she provided consequences. I heard her use “Enforceable Statements,” such as, “I grade papers that I [...]

Don’t Forget the Empathy!

What’s the very most important skill in Love and Logic? That’s an easy one for us to answer:  Empathy is the key! Without it coming first, consequences won’t work. Empathy is like a high priced sports car…it’s powerful but it needs lots of maintenance. Empathy’s also like brightly colored clothes…it tends to fade in the [...]

The Key to Love and Logic

  Originally published 10/24/07 by the Love and Logic® Institute. If you’re like me, you find yourself gradually getting out of the Love and Logic habit. My biggest challenge is to remember the empathy. It’s so easy to begin slipping. If I’m not careful, I start applying Lectures and Logic, instead of Love and Logic. [...]

Avoid Using “I’m Sorry” As Your Empathetic Response

Originally published 11/15/06 by the Love and Logic® Institute. Those of you familiar with Love and Logic know that the most important skill we teach is empathy. When we can provide a strong and sincere message of caring…before we deliver a consequence…the child is able to focus more on the connection between their poor decision [...]